An Excerpt from...
HighFlier
Ellouise Schoettler's "hilarious" saga of how she deals with fear of flying.
I work hard when I fly - I am a watcher.
The first time I let people know I was a watcher was on a flight from Charleston SC to Charlotte NC in 1987. It was a little plane - a 727. I am sure you know what the inside of a 727 is like - a center aisle with pairs of seats on either side.
That day the plane was lipping full. People just kept climbing in - oh, did I mention that we had to walk out on the tarmac and climb those rickety metal steps to enter the narrow doorway to the plane. I remember those steps because I was wearing high heel lady shoes with my navy blue dress-for-success suit.
Ellouise Schoettler telling High Flier at
Washington Storytellers Theater Speak Easy, Washington, DC.
|
The flight attendant was at the entrance of the plane checking tickets and welcoming us on board. She was standing in front of the teeny tiny galley that was right opposite the teeny tiny toilet.
The cockpit door was open. I checked that the two pilots were getting ready to fly. There were little lights blinking and they both looked very busy - I felt good.
I was sitting near the front on the aisle. A good location to keep an eye on things. I stowed my leather briefcase, keeping out a few papers to work on during the flight.
Then another pilot got on - I recognized his uniform from another airline. The flight attendant motioned him into the extra jump seat in the cockpit.. HMMMMMMM. My watching antenna vibrated. Then another pilot came on board. He knew the stewardess. They joked and chatted. I looked around the plane. There was not a single empty seat. Since she had stowed his bag in the front closet I could tell he was planning on going with us to Charlotte.
HMMMMMM - this felt like trouble.
The stewardess announced the final check for take-off. The extra pilot leaned against the doorway to the galley. As she stepped over to shut the door - he stepped into the narrow toilet and shut the door. What was happening here?
I stabbed my bell button - the stewardess came right over.
"Is there anything wrong?"
"I am wondering that myself. Are you going to take off this plane with that pilot sitting in the toilet?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, since there are no other seats and he seems to be going. I guess that is the only seat - - - isn't that illegal?
She looked unconcerned.
I coughed.
"Let me put it to you this way - - if we take off with that pilot sitting on the toilet - I will report it as soon as we land in Charlotte."
She looked startled. She did not say another word - she stepped back into the cockpit.
A few seconds later she tapped on the bathroom door, the pilot emerged, picked up his bag and clattered down the steps just before they were pulled away from the plane. Then we taxied and took off.
I felt the flight attendant looking me over during take off. As soon as it was safe for her to get up she stepped over next to me
"Who are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean - - who are you." Then I got it. She thought I was an inspector. I almost burst out laughing - but didn't.
"I am just somebody who doesn't want to take off in an airplane with a pilot sitting on the toilet. Let's just leave it at that."
And we did.
|
